Circling
by Brandywine421
Summary: An exploration into how Ryan settles into life with the Cohens. Midseason one.
1. One

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything OC related.  
AN: Musings on Artistic!Ryan. Set in early season one, Luke and Marissa never broke up and this is an my exploration of how Ryan settles into the family. _

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Ryan closed the shades in the poolhouse and flipped off the overhead light, leaving only the lamp's yellow glow to guide him. He hated lights shining in his eyes, even if he needed them to see. When he was younger, he'd worn sunglasses in class sometimes because of the 'glare' from the lights. At least that's what he told the teacher. She never saw his black eyes.

He shook off the thought as he sprawled across the bed. It was low to the floor, just like when he first arrived but he hadn't asked if he could raise it up to a normal level. He didn't really mind the height, but he wondered why anyone would put a bed so close to the floor if it actually had a frame to raise it. He'd slept on the floor before but it was because all he had was a mattress and his mom didn't want to pay for an actual bed.

He was thinking too much today and he didn't like it. In Chino, most people thought he was stupid or retarded because he rarely spoke, but here, his silence was taken as humility or wisdom. He just didn't feel like sharing his thoughts with the world and sometimes, like tonight, he got really tired of the Cohens squeezing him for information.

He flipped open his notebook. It wasn't really a notebook, more like a sketchpad. Trey had bought him his first one when he was ten. Well, Trey had stolen it, but it was still one of the best gifts that Ryan had ever gotten. He'd filled it with sketches and treasured it until one of Dawn's boyfriends had discovered it and burned it, along with all his toys. God, he'd hated that bastard.

Ryan shook off that memory, too. He did better with pencil and this pad didn't smudge as much as the one he'd left in Chino. His mom had cleaned out the house and when he'd found her note, he'd noticed that it was written on sketch paper. That hurt more that the words written on it. She didn't leave it for him.

He'd started over with this notebook a few weeks ago after school started. He still wasn't settled here, Newport was nothing like Chino. At all. He wasn't sure what the Cohens expected of him and it was only after a few weeks that he felt comfortable enough to buy the sketchpad. They didn't invade his privacy as much as he expected and he never left his notebook unattended in the open. He'd never been able to use the same notebook after someone had looked at it. It was tainted if anyone else touched it.

His drawings were private. He didn't care if they were good, he didn't care if he had talent, the only thing that mattered to him is that they were his. They were one of the few ways he felt comfortable to let his emotions out.

The first few pages were doodles and practice sketches. He loved fresh paper, a clean sheet always made him smile inside. He hadn't realized how much he missed drawing until he'd bought this notebook. It was almost full. He drew the houses, he drew the people, he drew the land. He drew everything.

He didn't think he'd ever fit into Newport but he didn't want to forget anything while he was here. He knew it wouldn't last, but he wanted to save the moments he'd experienced.

He didn't pull out his sketchpad when anyone else was around, only when he was alone. It was private.

Something had changed, though. The last drawing was a self-portrait. He wasn't sure what inspired it, maybe one of Sandy's lectures or Kirsten's quiet questions. He'd pretended to be someone else and drew what he saw.

It was funny, how he remembered his body on the page. The muscles that Seth liked to joke about so much weren't defined. His face was a blank slate and his eyes were empty without color. What stood out were his scars. He'd drawn every one, even the ones he could barely see. Because, to him, that's what he looked like. Scarred and empty. All used up.

He winced every time he saw it because he'd drawn his 'mark'.

It was a series of burns, a semicircle of cigarette scars that hid just below the waistline of his boxers above his ass. Dawn's first boyfriend after his Dad's arrest had given it to him. Trey had asked him about them once, but Ryan had never told anyone. He'd had lovers that asked but he never told.

Stephen was his name. He'd walked into the small bathroom when Ryan was in the shower.

Ryan was an outgoing, happy kid when he was little but after Stephen, he realized that talking was just words. No one had heard him screaming that day.

Stephen stayed a while. Six months, at least. He'd send Dawn to the store and he'd 'play' with little Ryan in the bathroom.

He'd marked him. Forever, Ryan would have the mark of the first man that used him.

Stephen wasn't the last, but he was the one Ryan remembered clearest.

Ryan closed the sketchpad. Whenever he looked at the drawing of himself, he lost all urge to draw. He slipped it back into his backpack and flipped over to reach for the lamp.

He wouldn't sleep much tonight.

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Sandy couldn't sleep. It hadn't happened to him in a long time, but tonight, he couldn't seem to find a relaxing position. He knew the longer he laid here, the less he'd rest.

He went into the kitchen and started a pot of tea. Kirsten always teased him about his hot-tea drinking habit but he loved her anyway. It wasn't his fault that she couldn't appreciate the relaxation of a cup of tea.

His attention was drawn to the patio. The lights used to bother him but he likes being able to see the pool and the Jacuzzi. He liked being able to see the poolhouse and making sure his foster son is safe.

He didn't like seeing his foster son standing by the edge of the pool in his sweatpants.

Sandy stepped outside with his teacup and approached the boy. "Ryan?"

He didn't respond.

Sandy finally reached Ryan's side. The boy was shirtless and barefoot and his toes were over the edge of the pool. He was painfully still and Sandy noticed that his eyes were unfocused and glazed.

"Ryan?"

"Hmm?" Ryan mumbled.

"Are you asleep?"

"Hmm?"

Sandy reached out and touched Ryan's arm and the boy flinched immediately and lost his balance. Sandy grabbed his arm to keep him from falling in the pool and they both tumbled to the ground.

"Sandy, what the hell…" Ryan muttered, his blue eyes clear and startled.

"Are you awake now?" Sandy asked, ignoring the steaming tea down his shirt.

Ryan glanced around and seemed to realize that he was outside. "Oh. Yeah. Sorry…was I sleepwalking?"

"I think so. I touched you and you woke up, I thought you were going to fall into the pool, kid."

Ryan slowly got to his feet and offered his hand to Sandy. Sandy accepted his help getting to his feet and they walked toward the poolhouse.

"You sleepwalk?"

"Occasionally. I've only done it once since I've been here…"

"When?"

"It was nothing. I woke up at the end of the driveway…" Ryan started.

"You didn't think we'd want to know?"

Ryan shrugged. Sometimes, Sandy thought that Ryan didn't know how to let people take care of him. Other times, he thought Ryan just didn't want to tell them anything. He understood why the kid didn't like to talk about his past, but Sandy needed to know some things. Simple things, like allergies and food preferences and medical issues. Like sleepwalking.

"It's not a big deal. I…"

"You could've fallen in the pool…"

"I can swim…"

"Ryan…"

"So what? I talk in my sleep sometimes. I walk in my sleep sometimes. I didn't think you'd need to know."

"Well, we'll have to reconsider letting you sleep in the poolhouse," Sandy sighed.

"What?" His blue eyes flashed with confusion.

"You could walk out into the street or into the ocean or something, Ryan, and we'd never know you were gone…" Sandy realized that Ryan could do that while awake just as easily. He was worried suddenly.

"Sandy, you're overreacting. It's a freak thing. It won't happen again…"

"You're not in trouble, Ryan…" Sandy said.

"Then…"

"We want you to be safe. If we'd known that you sleepwalk..." He started.

"Don't you think you'd better talk to your wife about that?" Ryan asked quietly. "I mean…it's not just your decision."

Sandy opened his mouth to speak but he knew that Ryan was right. Even though Kirsten had accepted Ryan as a part of her life, she still wasn't 100 okay with him as a part of her family.

"It's not a problem, Sandy. I swear. It really doesn't happen that often. Nothing has to change."

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Kirsten yawned as she walked down the steps toward the poolhouse. Rosa had explained that Ryan was still insisting on doing his own laundry and she wanted Kirsten to talk to him about it. Rosa took her job very seriously and even though she clearly adored the teenager, she wanted him to stop doing her job.

"Ryan, are you…" She stepped into the poolhouse without knocking, knowing that it was too early for him to be awake.

He sat up immediately from the bed, clearly surprised. He shoved something under the pillow that he had been lying on.

"Ryan, what are you doing up so early?" She asked. She tried to speak to him in an even tone, he was damned skittish sometimes. Especially with her.

"Um…" He was searching for an answer.

He frustrated her to no end. She didn't understand him. He wouldn't talk, he wouldn't tell her what he needed, it was like he was incapable of answering a simple question. She just didn't see what Sandy and Seth saw in him. He did everything he could to stay out of the way, to be invisible but she saw him. She just didn't know what to think about what she saw.

"Nothing," Ryan said finally.

"Rosa wants you to stop doing your laundry. She's very adamant. I'd appreciate it if you could try and make her happy," She said.

"Oh. Okay…" He flushed, clearly embarrassed. "I didn't want to give her any more work…"

"She gets paid. You should be getting ready for school since you're up. Coffee's already on."

He glanced down at the bed but obeyed, standing up.

"Ryan…" She regretted snapping at him. She didn't mean to give him an order, she hated the way he wouldn't look at her, keeping his eyes low as if he was being chastened. She was pissy because of her monthly cycle and she shouldn't have taken it out on Ryan. He was a good kid.

"Thanks," He mumbled, closing the door to the bathroom behind him.

She turned to leave but she remembered how he'd been doing something when she entered. She walked over to the bed and flipped over the pillow. She recognized the notebook as one like she'd had to buy for her art class in college.

She sat down on the bed and opened the notebook.

He was good. He was damned good. He was good enough to be published and he wasn't even out of high school. She flipped through the pages, studying each drawing.

She didn't even hear him come out of the bathroom and was startled when she glanced up and saw him watching her. His face was pale with hurt.

"Ryan, I'm sorry…" She shouldn't be looking, it was private.

"No, it's okay. I mean, it's your house…"

"I shouldn't have looked at your…"

"It's your house, Mrs. Cohen," He said quietly.

"Ryan, I'm sorry for invading your privacy like that, I shouldn't have…"

He wouldn't look in her eyes. She stood up and held out the pad. He took it and held it at his side.

"You're very talented, I mean, your drawings are great…"

"Don't," He whispered.

"I'm sorry, honey…" She started to reach out and pat his shoulder but he took a step back from her. She turned to leave. "I…" She didn't finish. She'd crossed the line. She'd never look at Seth's things where he could catch her but she was looking at this kid's personal drawings while he was in the room. She walked out of the poolhouse and when she turned to close the door, she saw him dropping the pad into the trash can.

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"I messed up," Kirsten told Sandy as he came in from surfing.

"What? Not you, you're infallible," He laughed, kissing her. He was disappointed when she didn't smile.

"I'm really trying, Sandy, but…"

"But what?"

"I can't get through to him. I can't seem to do anything right, he doesn't trust me, he walks around like he's a guest and…"

"Honey, what happened?" Sandy pulled her into a hug.

"It's my fault, I know. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do and I just made it all worse," She confessed.

"Kirsten. It's too early for you to be this upset."

She sighed. She stepped over to the counter and held out a notebook.

"What's that?"

"Ryan's drawings. I went out this morning to tell him that he isn't allowed to do laundry anymore and I startled him. He shoved this under a pillow and…I was curious, Sandy. I mean, we don't know anything about him and…when he went into the bathroom, I looked. He caught me and after I left, I saw him throw it away…"

"Was he upset?"

"He kept saying that it was my house. Like that gives me permission to snoop…I just…"

"So after he left, you went back and got it out of the trash?"

She nodded. "They're good, Sandy. Really good. Like, too good for the trash…"

He didn't pick up the notebook. He stared at his wife. "Why did you go through his things?"

"God, Sandy, I figured it was just porn or something, I didn't think it was…this. I didn't know that he'd throw it out just because I looked at it…" Tears spilled from her eyes.

"Oh, honey…" He put his arms around her. "He's a teenager, they get upset over the smallest things, you know that…"

"I don't know if this is going to work out…he hates me…"

"He doesn't hate you," He said. He knew that Ryan cared about her, Ryan cared about all of them. He also knew that Ryan remembered everything. Ryan remembered Kirsten's reluctance to take him in, her anger when Seth came home the first night with a black eye. Ryan remembered burning down her house. If anything, Ryan was afraid of Kirsten's disapproval and knew that she was just as unsure.

"Look at them, Sandy…" She held out the pad.

"If Ryan didn't want us to see them…"

"Look at this one, Sandy. It's a picture he drew of himself…you have to see it, even if this is the only one," She said, opening the notebook and flipping to one of the middle pages.

Sandy studied the picture. It was good. It was painfully sad, but it was artistically perfect.

"See how he emphasized his scars? And how he stands out against the background like he's totally out of place? See how his face is so sad? See how he's standing on the edge of a cliff?"

"Kirsten…it's just a picture…"

"It says everything. He's not happy here, he doesn't belong…" She started.

"Stop. Are you having second thoughts? Now, after all we've been through, you're having second thoughts? You knew this would be hard, taking in a kid, but I thought that we'd…"

"I'd never put him out on the streets again, Sandy…but whatever we're doing, it's not enough."

"He sleepwalks. I told him last night that I thought he should move into the guestroom so he wouldn't wander off," He said after a long pause.

"Where was he?"

"Outside. Standing by the pool. He said it's only happened once before and he woke up in the driveway." He turned to face her, his frustration evident on his face. "I suggested he move inside. He said that I needed to talk to you about that."

"Sandy…"

"No, Kirsten. I want Ryan here. Seth wants Ryan here. He trusts us and I trust him. I want him safe. I'm sorry that you can't see what we see, but that's not the problem. If you can't figure out a way to connect with him, this isn't going to get better. He's a kid."

"Do you think he really has all those scars?" She whispered.

Sandy glanced back at the picture, his attention being drawn to the cluster of scars on Ryan's back. He recognized those. A friend in child services had explained what those scars probably meant. Someone had really hurt him.

"I think you should throw this away. If Ryan sees that you went and got it…it's only going to make things harder." He sighed. "Do you want to reconsider this?"

"No," She said immediately. "I don't. I just…can you talk to him?"

"Yes, I can. But you should be the one to talk to him. You're the one he's scared of."

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"What's wrong with you?" Seth asked him as they were walking down the stairs to the parking lot.

"Nothing."

"More than one word answers, please. You've been quiet all day, and for you, Ryan Atwood, quiet means silent. What's up?"

He sighed. He knew Seth meant well. He just couldn't explain it to him. How things were just getting worse and worse just because it was him. Things always got worse, they never got better. Even when things with him mom were out of control, things always got worse. Shit, she'd left him because she couldn't keep spiraling down into the pit of despair that he was stuck in.

"Dude?"

"Just thinking."

"About what?"

"Nothing."

Seth sighed in frustration. "Dude, come on, it's me. If you can't tell me, then you won't tell anyone and that's just not natural. Is it about me?"

"No."

"Good. So what is it? Marissa and Luke?"

"No." He hadn't thought about them in weeks. Marissa was glued to Luke's hip and after Ryan's new membership on the soccer team, Luke had actually become a friend of Ryan's. He'd told Ryan that he'd committed himself to Marissa after almost losing her.

"Just tell me, man."

Ryan didn't want to talk to Seth about Kirsten. It was his mother, he didn't want to turn Seth against his mother. He wouldn't say anything.

"I just didn't get much sleep last night. Let's go home." He wondered if the Cohen's house would ever be his home. He knew better.

Seth used Ryan's silence as an invitation to blast rock music at the highest volume, thus integrating Ryan into the 'modern age of rock'. Seth yelled factoids at him over the music but Ryan didn't bother to pay attention.

He needed to think. He'd gotten back a lot of assignments today, all with good grades. Great grades. His teachers were proud of him, even the damned principal had congratulated him on how well he was 'fitting in'.

But he wasn't. Sure, he could do the work, it wasn't hard, but he wasn't fitting in. The kids still whispered when he walked by. Some of the guys even spit on him but he hadn't fought back. He was keeping more and more anger inside and the only way he could let it out was to draw. But Kirsten had taken that from him, too. Sure, he could buy another sketchpad, or even retrieve the one he'd trashed, but it wouldn't be the same. She knew his secret.

"Dude? We're home."

"Oh. Okay. Man, I'm going to go crash out."

"Okay, I hope you're in a better mood when you wake up," Seth said, clearly confused.

"I've just got a lot on my mind today."

"Yeah, and you don't want to talk about it. I get it. I won't pester you. Yet."

"Thanks."

In the poolhouse, he sat down on the low bed again and took a deep breath.

He could always leave. Running away was always an option. But all the money that he had saved, he'd used to buy things he didn't want the Cohens to have to buy for him. Kirsten and Sandy had bought him an entire new wardrobe when he became 'permanent'. But Kirsten had bought him underwear, tighty-whities, as Seth would say. He'd bought himself boxers, wife-beaters and school supplies. He didn't want to freeload but now that he was considering leaving, he knew that he should have planned ahead.

Things never worked out. He should have remembered that instead of getting caught up in Sandy's fantasy of a clean slate and a new start.

He could still leave. Chino was out, he knew Sandy would find him there. And Texas was out because he'd told Seth about that and he knew Seth would look there first.

He needed a place that he could start over and not have any history.

"Ryan?" He jumped at her voice. Kirsten was standing by the door.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry. Can we talk?"

He shrugged. He hated the way he tensed up whenever she came around but he couldn't stop himself. She didn't want him here. She didn't like his influence on her son. Every time he started thinking that he could actually do something good here, he'd see her eyes looking at him. She knew that he was worthless inside. She knew that he didn't belong.

She stepped inside and closed the door. She flushed suddenly. "I didn't knock, I'm sorry…"

"It's okay."

She glanced around and saw that all the shades were closed. "Were you trying to sleep?"

He glanced up. Why the hell was she making small talk? She obviously had something she wanted to say.

"I'll come back…" She said, turning to leave when he didn't answer.

"It's okay. What's up?"

"Um…about this morning…"

"It's okay. It's no big deal."

"Yeah, it is. You threw your drawings out…I…"

He glanced down at the trash can and saw that the notebook was missing. She's going through my trash now?

"I shouldn't have invaded your privacy." She sat down and put her hands in her lap. "But Sandy and Seth…you talk to them. They know you, or as much as you let them. You and I…we're just coexisting here, and we need…I want to get to know you."

He was surprised. Sandy must've said something to her. She wouldn't be here otherwise.

"Sandy said that you were sleepwalking last night."

He nodded. "Sometimes."

"Hailey used to sleepwalk. We had to lock her room from the outside because she woke up down at the beach a couple of times and my mom thought that she'd drown."

He nodded again.

"Have you…"

"Trey and I always shared a room. He'd wake up usually when I'd get up and he'd get me back to bed."

"He always woke up?"

"Light sleeper." When he lived with Ryan, anyway.

She nodded. "Do you want your notebook back?"

If she gave it back to him, at least he could dispose of it without any more attention.

"Are you still going to throw it out?"

He nodded.

"Then…can I keep it?"

"Whatever."

She sighed. "How's school? I know it's been only a few weeks, but how's it going so far?"

"Good."

"What classes are you taking?"

He could see that she was really trying. He owed it to Sandy and Seth to try back. He lifted his backpack and pulled out the papers that he'd gotten back today. He passed them to her.

"We got these back today. The teachers say I'm doing fine."

She flipped through the papers. "Fine? This looks like you're doing better than fine. All A's…and an A in Mr. Gregory's class…he must love you, he never gives A's."

"They say I need to work on my participation," He said quietly.

She smiled. "Yeah, me, too." She stood up and walked over to sit down on the bed beside him. "I really am sorry about looking at your things. It was wrong. I don't go through Seth's things and I should have the same respect for you. This isn't just my house. It's your house, too."

He didn't look up.

"You and I…we need to work this out. For Sandy. And for ourselves. I know that you think I don't want you here, but that's not true."

"You're looking out for your family, I understand…"

"No, you don't. At first, I was hesitant, but now…do you have any idea how much good you've brought to this house? Seth wouldn't leave the house on the weekends, he had no friends. And Sandy and Seth wouldn't even talk unless they were arguing…now, they've got a real relationship again. And after all the cases that Sandy's handled, you've given him hope that he can actually do some good. You have made this house a home again, Ryan."

He shook his head silently. She was wrong. She was just saying this because of Sandy. He'd asked her or something, she didn't really believe it.

"I know…I know that it must be hard to be here. Your mother walked away from you…your brother's gone…but you have a chance to start over. With a new family…"

"I'm sixteen. I can't start over. In two years…" He started.

"Ryan, if you think this family is a temporary thing, you're wrong. Sandy and I…we'll be here after you turn eighteen. We'll be here when you get married and graduate college. We didn't take you in just to give you a place to stay. We took you in so we could give you a family. To give you a home. I'm sorry that…that it's taken me so long to accept you."

"It's okay. I don't expect…"

"You don't expect anything. But we do. We expect you to stick around and make yourself at home. Accept your place here, Ryan. Please."

He nodded.

"Can I show your papers to Sandy? He's going to be thrilled."

Ryan shrugged. He forced himself not to flinch when she put her hand on his shoulder.

"Give me another chance, Ryan. Give yourself another chance."

"Okay," He murmured.

She stood up and took his papers to the door. "You look tired. I'll send Seth to wake you for dinner. Get some rest."

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Seth trotted in from the poolhouse after Kirsten sent him out to get Ryan for dinner. Sandy gave his son a curious glance. "Where is he?"

"I tried to wake him, but he's dead to the world. He didn't even mumble when I shook him. He's not dead, he's breathing, but he's sleeping like a rock," Seth explained.

"He needs to eat something, Sandy, he hasn't been out of the poolhouse all day," Kirsten chimed in.

"Did he eat lunch?"

"He was in the library for lunch…" Seth started.

"And he didn't have breakfast. Sandy…"

"I'll get him." He put down the pizza box and walked outside.

He was glad that Kirsten had taken his advice and talked to Ryan. She wasn't optimistic but he knew that Ryan had listened to everything and just needed time to process.

He was still thinking about the drawing. Ryan's scars. His mark. He knew that there was abuse in Ryan's background, but he never considered sexual abuse.

He didn't want to consider sexual abuse. He knew, the lawyer in him, knew the signs. The kid had been through hell and back.

He'd thought that he could help Ryan without having to put the kid into therapy. He wanted to help him but this was out of his league. He'd never been abused, Seth and Kirsten, they'd never been abused.

He knocked on the door but there was no answer. He pushed open the door. Ryan was sleeping face down on top of his made bed.

"Ryan?" He stepped over to the bed and leaned over the boy. He shook him gently. "Ryan, wake up…"

He didn't react. He was sleeping soundly.

"Ryan, wake up." He shook him again. When Ryan still didn't wake up, he took him by the shoulder and flipped him over in the bed.

Ryan was limp and simply settled into his new position. He was dead weight.

"God, you really are sleeping like a rock…"

"Not sleeping…" Ryan mumbled suddenly, startling Sandy. He flipped over onto his stomach again.

"Ryan. Wake up. Ryan…" Sandy reached down to touch his shoulder again and the boy flinched, jerking awake with wide, frightened eyes. He struggled to a sitting position, completely panicked.

"Easy there, kid…" Sandy stepped back with his hands held up to show that he wasn't trying to hurt him.

"Sandy?" He blinked and seemed to relax slightly. "Damn…"

"We couldn't wake you. Seth tried and failed, so I came out…it's time for dinner."

"I'm not really hungry…"

"We've had a conference and decided that we don't care," Sandy smiled, trying to lighten the mood. "You didn't eat breakfast or lunch and…"

"My stomach's been upset all day," He said quietly.

"Are you sick? Let me see if you're running a fever…" Sandy reached out to put his hand against his forehead but Ryan turned away.

"It's not that. I…I just have a lot on my mind."

Sandy sat down on the bed and was pleased when Ryan turned and swung his legs over the edge to sit beside him. "You want to talk about it?"

"Not really. But…but I probably should eat something."

"If your stomach's upset…"

"It's fine. Let's go inside."

Sandy followed him to the door, wanting to say more but knowing that Ryan wouldn't talk to him. He'd been learning how to interpret the kid's moods and it definitely wasn't a good time to try and broach the subject of how he got his 'mark.'

Ryan stopped outside the doors to the kitchen and turned to face him. "You didn't have to ask Kirsten to talk to me. I'm sorry that she feels like she has to make this extra effort for me. That's not what I wanted…"

"Ryan, I didn't…"

"It doesn't matter. I'm sorry that she got upset." He turned and walked into the house.

Sandy followed him but Seth had already ushered him into the dining room and was chattering excitedly about a new comic he'd picked up.

"What's wrong?" Kirsten asked, putting her hand on his shoulder.

"Nothing. Let's eat."

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	2. Two

_AN: Here's chapter two._ _ Don't worry, Artistic!Ryan will reemerge soon enough, but we're working through some P,D,P here. Got to get the boy to accept his place. If he has one. _

* * *

He did what he was supposed to do. He kept walking.

He heard the bastards' comments but he kept walking.

He couldn't fight.

He was on probation, he couldn't afford to get into a fight.

So when the punk grabbed his arm, sure, he spun around. Self-preservation. He held his hands up to show that he was non-threatening. He could not fight.

"Heard you got your wings clipped."

He didn't say anything. He couldn't. Sandy was depending on him. He could not fight.

He tried to turn around and keep walking but they had him surrounded.

"See? The pussy can't fight back…he'll go to jail…"

They held his arms.

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"Cohen?"

He was sitting on the steps waiting for Ryan. Ryan usually wasn't this late but he thought that he was in the library studying. All the kid did lately was study. He turned around immediately at the sound of her voice. "Summer?"

She grabbed his arm and pulled him to his feet. "You have to come…"

He didn't know what she was talking about but he followed her. She was strong for such a little thing.

"Summer, what…"

"They beat him up, bad…"

"Who?"

"Chino…"

Shit. He'd known something was bothering Ryan but he hadn't considered the Newport bully patrol to be one of the things on his mind. Ryan could hold his own. But he wouldn't. Seth should've known this would happen.

Ryan had just gotten a lecture from his Dad this morning. Don't fight. Don't get into trouble.

"Shit…" He muttered when he saw his friend. He hurried to his side.

Ryan was crumpled and bloody in the nook behind the air conditioners. His face was smeared with blood and his arms were holding his stomach. He was curled up. Crumpled.

"Give me your keys, I'll pull up right there," Summer motioned to a fire lane a few yards away.

"Ryan?" Seth kneeled beside him.

He was breathing shallowly, but breathing. His eyes were closed. Seth shook him gently. "Ryan?"

Ryan groaned, pulling away from Seth and grimacing.

"Can you walk?"

Ryan kept his eyes clenched closed and when he opened his mouth, he took several shaky breaths. "Help me up, Seth…"

He took Ryan's arm and supported him to his feet. Ryan's grip was tight. He was strong and tough, Seth knew that if it hadn't been for his father, Ryan wouldn't be this beaten. Ryan had taken a beating because he didn't want to disappoint Sandy.

Ryan leaned against the wall and still hadn't opened his eyes. "Am I up?" He whispered.

The Range Rover screeched to a halt behind them.

Ryan's strength waned and he started to slide down the wall.

"You're up, man, come on…" Seth put his arm around Ryan's waist and laced this thumb through a belt loop of his jeans. Ryan shuddered from the contact but after a moment, put his arm around Seth's shoulders and they began to walk.

"He needs a hospital," Summer said as she held open the passenger door.

"No hospital…Sandy'll kill me…" Ryan said urgently. "I'm okay…"

"Get in, man, we'll figure something out…" He said. He couldn't take Ryan to the hospital without alerting his father. He knew that his Dad would listen and do everything he could to help Ryan but Ryan was in no shape to listen to him. Ryan hadn't done anything wrong but he was still clearly terrified of facing his Dad.

Ryan climbed into the SUV and sunk into the seat. He hadn't even wiped the blood from his face.

"Call me if you need anything," Summer said, holding out the keys.

"Thanks."

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"Mom?"

"In the den, Seth," She replied. She had worked from home all day. The work seemed less daunting when she could sit on her own couch.

Seth stepped in. "Mom…I need your help…"

She saw the blood on his shirt. He was scared and she was immediately alert and concerned. "What's wrong?"

"Okay, so, Ryan's not supposed to fight and he's really worried about Dad getting mad but…" He was speaking rapidly and she was already on her feet. "He's really messed up and every time I try to help him, he freezes up…"

"Where is he?" She'd been thinking about Ryan all day. His habits. His quiet, non-threatening presence. His protective loyalty toward Seth and Sandy. She wanted him to stay. She believed in him. It took seeing his drawings for her to realize how special he really was. She should've given him a chance at the start, maybe then they'd have a better relationship.

"Is Dad going to freak? Because he didn't fight back, he didn't do anything…"

"Where is he?" She repeated.

"He's not himself, Mom…he thinks that I'm trying to hurt him but I'm just trying to help him…" Seth was panicked.

She took her son by his shoulders. "Where is he, Seth? I'll take care of him…"

"The poolhouse…"

She left him standing in the kitchen and broke into a trot across the patio.

He was hurt. She saw him crouched outside the bathroom and there was a smear of blood on the wall. She couldn't see his face because his blood caked hair was shielding it.

"Ryan?" She called gently, kneeling beside him.

"I'm okay…don't…" He murmured.

"I'm not going to hurt you…I need you to look at me…please?" She needed him to hear her.

He opened his eyes. "Kirsten?" His face was swelling and she could see that it hurt him to open his eyes.

"You're hurt. I need to help you…"

"I'm sorry…" He pulled away from her touch, guilty.

"You didn't do anything wrong…come on, Ryan…" She pulled him to his feet and tried to ignore the whimper of pain when she touched his side. She managed to help him stagger to the bathroom but before she could stop him, he collapsed against the wall and sunk to the floor.

"Okay, okay, Ryan…" She said gently, kneeling beside him. "Sit up…" She leaned him upright against the wall. His nose was bleeding. His lip was bleeding. He had small cuts on his face that were bleeding. She grabbed a washcloth and wetted it. She put it against his face and he tried to turn away from her touch. She wondered if he'd ever known a gentle touch. "Just look at me, okay?"

He looked at her with glazed eyes and let her clean his face. He was breathing shallowly, but he kept looking at her. He couldn't seem to focus on her but he was listening.

"Ryan, you need to take your shirt off…"

"No…" He said immediately.

"Ryan, I'm not going to hurt you…"

He shook his head and tried to push himself into the corner. "No…I'm sorry, I'll stop, just leave me…"

"Honey…its Kirsten, okay? I'm not going to hurt you, I just want to help you…" She forced herself to stay calm. All the weeks that he'd been here and she'd never seen him this vulnerable. She'd never known what he looked like with his walls broken down. He was so scared, he was scared of her.

"I'm sorry, just go…" He turned his face away from her and curled up protectively.

"Ryan? Ryan, look at me…its Kirsten…" She reached for him and carefully turned his head to face her. He blinked and after a moment, he seemed to recognize her. "Okay, honey…I'm not going to hurt you, but you have to help me, okay?"

He shuddered suddenly and clenched his teeth but finally gave her a timid nod. He looked like a child, a frightened, abused child. She shook off her pity and focused on helping him.

"Your shirt…" She took the hemline of his shirt and pulled it off as gently as she could manage. His chest was bruised already and he was breathing was rapid and she wondered if he was hyperventilating. She took the washcloth and tried to clean the blood that was on his neck and shoulders. As soon as she touched him, he flinched.

His eyes clouded suddenly and he pulled away from her again. "Stop…please…"

"Ryan…"

"I didn't…I won't…please, let me go…I'll be good, I promise…" He whispered. She could tell that he didn't know where he was. Seth was right, he wasn't himself. He'd never let himself be seen like this.

She didn't know what to do. He wouldn't let her help him, he was afraid of her. She had to be the adult here. She had to get control.

"Ryan. Look at me…its Kirsten…you're hurt and if you don't want me to call the ambulance right now, you have to look at me…"

He seemed to listen to her but didn't look at her. He pulled his knees up to his chest and took a deep breath. "Okay…okay…give me a minute…"

He was trying. As she watched, across from him, she saw him trying to get himself together. He started to breathe deeply despite the pain that flashed on his face. He finally turned and met her gaze. She recognized him through his pained eyes.

"Better?"

"I'm okay, now…sorry…" His discomfort and odd guilt was evident. He was trembling.

"I need to clean you up so I can see where you're hurt…"

He hesitated. "I can do it…" He started to try and get up but she stopped him.

"I know you can. But this is my job, okay? Let me take a look…let's get you to sit on the toilet, all right?" She helped him get to his feet and they turned and she lowered him to sit on the closed toilet.

His nose was bleeding again and she grabbed a Kleenex and pushed it against his nose. "Hold it there, okay?"

He obeyed. She picked up the washcloth and began to examine him closely. When she returned her attention to his face, he had his eyes closed.

"You okay? You still with me?"

"Yeah…I don't really like to be touched," He whispered. His body was completely tensed. But he was steady for her sake.

"I'm sorry, honey, but I'm trying to help you…"

"I know…I'm sorry, too…I'm freaking out…"

"You know…Sandy's not going to be mad at you…he loves you, he knows that…" She had to make him relax. She had to make him safe. Sandy would never forgive her if she didn't help Ryan.

"I'm not supposed to fight…and I didn't…" He started.

She knew how hard he was trying to fit it. It couldn't be easy. He was being forced to adjust in a place where he wasn't welcome. She hadn't made him welcome. She'd made him go to all the Newport social events, she made him go to the private school where the kids beat him this badly just because he wasn't born here. He was trying so hard but it wasn't getting easier for him.

"Honey, you didn't even defend yourself?" She asked quietly. She regretted it instantly, looking at him.

He lowered his gaze. "Sandy said it was never okay to fight." She waited and he looked at her again. "When is it okay to fight back and when is it okay to just shut up and take it? I mean, are there rules somewhere written down?"

"I'm sorry, Ryan…you might need a doctor, your head…"

"No doctors…" He said, leaning back.

"Ryan…I think that your ribs may be hurt, doesn't it hurt when you breathe?"

"I'll be fine…"

"That's not what I asked…"

"Yeah…it does…I probably just bruised them, I'll be fine…"

"Honey…" She took his face in her hands and he didn't flinch. He looked up at her. "You need a doctor. I'll go with you, okay?"

He hesitated.

"What?"

"Um…I don't like doctors…"

"You need to go to the doctor, Ryan. I'll be with you, I won't let them do anything without your permission…"

"Can I make a request?" He asked quietly, relenting with a sigh.

"What?"

"Can it be a lady doctor?"

She didn't want to know why that was his request. She didn't want to question him. He was more fragile than she ever imagined. She nodded. She'd never let him see it.

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God, he was having a shitty day. First, the beat down after school, then his little mind trip in the bathroom with Kirsten and now he had to face Sandy.

Kirsten had been fiercely protective of him in the doctor's office. He knew that he must have said something that freaked her out in the bathroom but the time immediately following his attack was a blur. He hadn't become completely clear until the doctor had given him the shot of pain medication in his ass. It was like everything came back into focus once he could breathe again without the crushing pain in his chest.

He did what he was supposed to do, he had tried to walk away. And when the boys got done beating him, he didn't call out, he didn't ask for help because he knew that he'd get blamed. He was the punk kid from Chino. He must've been asking for it.

"Ryan? You still okay?" Kirsten had pulled her chair up close to the examining table.

He gave her a nod. Yesterday, he'd thought that she was lying or trying to please Sandy when she'd talked to him but she was coming through for him today. He wasn't sure what he thought about her change of heart but he needed something to lean on right now and he was too tired to question her current motives.

His own mother had never taken him to the doctor when he was hurt, it was usually Trey or Arturo but Kirsten seemed genuinely concerned about him.

He'd scared her, that much he knew.

He knew that this doctor was a pricy one, too, but Kirsten paid top dollar for everything.

It was like everything was closing in on him. He was sinking further into the quicksand and if he didn't do something soon, he was going to suffocate.

"You're doing it again. Tensing up. Just relax, Ryan…" Kirsten said. She was watching him closely. He forced himself to relax. For her sake.

The doctor was outside looking over her x-rays and they were alone for the moment. He'd been grateful for the brief reprieve. She had examined him delicately but it didn't change how uncomfortable he was.

Kirsten hadn't wanted to leave when the doctor had examined him but the doctor had insisted. Finally, she'd settled for pacing on the other side of the curtain while the doctor was with him. He didn't protest. He hated doctors and her presence had reassured him. As long as he didn't have to look at her and see the pity and confusion on her face.

He wondered if her change of heart had anything to do with his scars. But he was too tired, too sore to worry about it. He'd always been more comfortable with women seeing his body than men. He'd conditioned himself to touch a woman and accept their touch in return.

He didn't know how Sandy was going to react when he saw him. He knew that he was in trouble but he wasn't sure how much. Even though Sandy wasn't a violent man, he had high standards and Ryan had just disappointed him again.

The doctor stepped back into the room with a small white bag and several pamphlets. "Well, the good news is, nothing's broken."

Kirsten stood up and put her hand on Ryan's shoulder. He had adjusted to her need to touch him and didn't flinch. He wasn't sure how long he'd be comfortable with her but in this situation, he was glad she was here.

"Ryan, you have some bruised ribs, they're going to bother you for a few weeks. You need to take it easy, I can see healed fractures on your x-rays and we don't want you to overexert yourself and risk you cracking them again, okay?"

He nodded. He knew the drill. Take it easy, blah blah.

"You have a mild concussion so even though you're tired, Kirsten or Sandy need to wake you up every few hours just to be safe," The doctor continued. Kirsten was looking over the pamphlets that she had handed her. "You have to take it easy…"

"He won't be out of bed any time soon. Can you write him a note for school?" Kirsten had taken control and Ryan was silent.

"Sure," The doctor nodded. "I've prescribed some medication for him, some painkillers and some antibiotics…"

"I'm not sick…" Ryan said quietly.

"I disagree. You're running a slight temperature and your labs are indicative of a virus. It's just a precaution," The doctor replied. Kirsten nodded at her and patted Ryan's hand.

He didn't want antibiotics, they made him nauseous. He'd never been able to stomach them. He knew he hadn't been feeling well, but he hadn't thought that he was sick.

He just wanted to get out of this room. He would say that he just wanted to go home but nowhere felt like home these days.

"You should be fine in couple of weeks. No heavy lifting, no soccer, no working. Okay?" She was looking at him.

He gave her a nod. Kirsten seemed satisfied and thanked the doctor while he stood up.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Kirsten asked once they were outside.

He shrugged despite the pain it gave him. He hated it. But if it pacified her, then it was worth it. He couldn't believe that she had found him in the poolhouse like that. He'd been out of his head for a while and she'd seen it all. He wondered what he'd said to her. He wondered why he agreed to go with her.

At least it wasn't Sandy. He probably would've taken Sandy's head off in that bathroom if he'd been there. He would've resorted to instinct. But Kirsten was there and his instincts wouldn't let him hit a woman.

"Ryan, how are you feeling?" She asked once they were on the highway.

"I'm okay. I'm sorry about…about earlier."

"You were hurt, I just wanted to help you…thank you for letting me," She said quietly. "You scared me…you were sort of…delirious…"

"Yeah…"

"I should call Seth, he was really worried…"

"Did I say anything to him?" He hoped that he hadn't.

"He said…he came and got me, Ryan. He said you wouldn't let him help you."

"I'll apologize."

"Will you tell me what happened today?" She asked quietly.

"Nothing to tell. I…I got beat up." He didn't want to tell her. But he owed it to her after today.

"Boys at school? No teacher saw you?"

"I think Summer found me. I don't really remember. Seth helped me to the car and to the poolhouse…"

"You didn't tell anyone at school?" She asked, clearly surprised.

"No…" He wouldn't call any undue attention to himself like that. That's just asking for trouble. Running to the principal to tell them that someone hit him. He wouldn't do that.

"Ryan, you…" She sighed, stopping midsentence. "I don't want to push you. You've had a long day," She said, turning into the driveway. She turned to face him. "But…you were really hurt today. And that's not acceptable. We need to talk about this, okay?"

He nodded. He knew. He knew that it was only a matter of time before the shit hit the fan. Maybe he should reconsider leaving.

He could make it on his own. He could.

But the Cohens had done so much for him. He should try and stick it out.

He'd wait and see what Sandy had to say.

"Come on, let's get you settled." She waited for him to step out before going to his side. They walked through the house onto the patio in silence.

When she opened the door to the poolhouse, he saw Seth standing near the bathroom with Rosa.

"Hey, are you okay?" Seth asked immediately. "We were just cleaning up in here…"

"Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks," He replied.

"I'll finish cleaning that up later," Kirsten said. She gave Ryan a sharp glance and he sat down on the bed.

"What did the doctor say?" Seth asked, going to stand beside him.

"I have to take it easy. Nothing's broken…"

Seth hesitantly put his hand on Ryan's shoulder. "And you're…and you're back with us again?"

"Yeah. Sorry about earlier…"

"It's okay, as long as you're okay," Seth said, relieved.

He was glad that Seth was so understanding and knew when to let things go. He gave Seth a grateful smile.

"Ryan, get some rest, okay?" Kirsten led Rosa out of the poolhouse.

"What happened?" Seth asked, sitting down beside Ryan on the bed.

"Nothing, your mom was really great…"

"And you're okay…"

"I'm okay. I…"

"What happened today? Like, not at school, but between us…like, did I say something to set you off?"

He shook his head. "No, Seth…"

"Every time I tried to touch you, you pushed me away, you kept telling me to stop hurting you and…" Seth started quickly.

"I'm sorry, Seth…I don't know what else I can say."

Seth was looking at him curiously. "You scared me."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't do it again, okay?" He patted Ryan's shoulder again. "I won't hurt you, man. I'm sorry you didn't recognize me…"

"I was beat up, I wasn't thinking straight…"

"You were pretty out of it. But you're back now. You look exhausted…did they give you something?"

"A shot. And your mom has some pills for me." Ryan looked over at his friend. "Is your dad home yet?"

"Ryan, you don't have to worry about Dad…" Seth started immediately.

Ryan sighed as Seth continued to list the reasons that Sandy wouldn't be mad. Ryan stretched out on the bed and closed his eyes, letting Seth talk him to sleep.

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"Kirsten? Where's Ryan? Where's Seth?" Sandy dropped his briefcase by the door and hurried into the kitchen to join his wife.

"They're in the poolhouse…"

"What happened? I got this message from you saying that something was wrong and then you don't answer your phone and no one was home…"

"You're sounding like Seth, relax," She smiled patiently at him. She pulled him into an impulsive hug. "God, Sandy…what are we going to do?"

"Kirsten, what happened?"

"Sit down with me. Let's talk about our boys for a few minutes," She sighed. She passed him a beer before taking a seat at the counter with him.

"Kirsten…"

"Everyone's safe and sound, now. But…Ryan was attacked today."

"Attacked?" Ryan was a tough kid, it had to be bad if she's saying he was attacked. "Who?"

"Some boys at school from what I can tell. Seth came in and got me, he was really upset…"

"Is he all right?"

"I took him to the doctor. He was badly beaten, Sandy…he didn't fight back because…because we told him that he's not supposed to fight. Seth managed to get him home but after he got him in the poolhouse, he…he was pretty disoriented."

"I need to see him…"

"He's sleeping, Sandy, just relax. I took care of him…" She said, clearly trying to keep him calm. She knew how much Sandy cared about Ryan.

"You and Ryan…he let you take him to the doctor?" He asked, startled.

"He wouldn't let Seth near him, he was like an injured animal, Sandy…but he finally seemed to come to his senses…I think it was because I was a woman, Sandy…I think that's the only reason he let me help him. I can't think of any other reason that he'd have pushed Seth away like that. He loves Seth…"

"Kirsten…"

"I should've known when you wouldn't let me see his files that he was abused…"

"Kirsten, stop it," He said quickly. "There is nothing in those files that you need to see." There wasn't. Ryan wasn't the type of kid to run to his teachers when someone hurt him. The files were more of a collection of the many fights and close calls with the police. If Ryan had been hurt as a child, he'd hidden it like a pro. Every time the police had tried to investigate, he'd been silent. He hadn't shown them to Kirsten because he didn't want her to know about Ryan's tendency toward violence any more than she already did.

"He does have the scars, Sandy. All the scars on his drawing, he has those. It's like a road map of abuse. You should've seen the way he was curled in the corner, begging me to leave him alone," She whispered.

He didn't want to see that. He knew that Ryan didn't want anyone to see that.

"But," She started when he didn't speak. "But he snapped out of it. I took him to the doctor and she said he needs to take it easy because his ribs are bruised and he's cracked them in the past. He shouldn't be doing anything to strain himself, he has to take it easy…"

"He will. I'm going to check on them…"

"Sandy…he's really scared that you're going to be mad at him."

"Why? Why would I be angry?"

"Because he got into a fight, I guess. He's…he's really worried about it, Sandy," She admitted.

"He's not in any trouble…"

"I know. But he doesn't." She reached over and handed him several prescription bottles. "Take him his meds."

Sandy stood up and walked to the door.

"Sandy, he asked me…he asked me when it was acceptable for him to fight back and when it was okay for him to just sit back and take it. I didn't know what to say."

He didn't know what to say either.

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	3. Three

Seth was worried. Ryan had fallen asleep while he was talking and it'd been four hours since he'd even moved. Seth had finished all his homework and read the last three comics he'd bought at the pier yesterday.

But Ryan was sleeping. Deeply.

He knew it was weird, but he was worried about Ryan. Up until last night, Ryan had been an unbelievably light sleeper. He'd wake up as soon as the doorknob to the poolhouse would turn.

And when Ryan had freaked out today, he had been really worried. He knew that Ryan's pre-Newport life had been hard, but he'd never considered how hard. Ryan hadn't known who he was. He hadn't known where he was.

But he'd known that he was hurt and it must have been instinct telling him that Seth was naturally going to hurt him more. It made him sick to his stomach to think about someone hurting Ryan. He'd never really considered it before, he knew that Ryan could take care of himself. But today…Ryan didn't. He didn't take care of himself and he wouldn't let Seth take care of him.

Didn't Ryan know that he considered him a brother? Ryan had always taken care of him, it was his job to take care of Ryan, too.

He glanced up as his father opened the door. "Hey, Dad."

"Hey. Heard you had a rough day, today. How is he?"

"He hasn't moved since he passed out."

His father sat down beside him on the arm of his chair. He brushed his father's hand from his head, annoyed. His father was all about the touching of the hair. "What happened?"

"He got the fuck beat out of him." He ignored his Dad's scolding glare.

"Who did it? Did you tell Dr. Kim?"

"Why? So she could blame it all on Ryan? Dad, you don't understand what it's like at school…he didn't fight back because of you and…just look at him!" He wanted his father to understand but he didn't expect the distraught expression that flashed on his father's face. Ryan's face was bruised and swollen and the arm he had covering part of his face was scratched and scabbed over.

"Seth…"

"Every day, all day, the kids are ragging him. They're always looking for an opportunity to pick on him, and now that they know that he can't retaliate, they're never going to let him pass without a fight…"

"If he gets into trouble, Seth, he'll get sent back to juvie, you know that," His dad said quietly.

"So he's just supposed to sit back and take a beating? I really don't think that's good for Ryan with his history…"

"What are you talking about? What do you know about his history?"

"Nothing. Except he was terrified today when he didn't know who I was. Somebody really messed him up…and I don't mean today."

"Seth, I'm going to try and wake him up for his medicine…"

"Dad, before you do that. Are you mad at him?"

His father looked at him. "No. I'm not. I'm worried about him. I'm worried about you, too."

"I'm fine…"

"I hope so. Your mom's heating dinner up for you."

He didn't want to leave Ryan. Especially if he needed him there.

"You can bring Ryan back something to eat, but give us a few minutes, okay?" His father was looking at Ryan's sleeping body with a strange expression.

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to talk to him. Make sure he feels safe here."

"Don't…don't push him too hard, Dad. He's…he's had a long day."

"I know, kid. Now, go eat something before your mother paces a hole in the floor."

He sighed. He stood up and started to leave but paused beside his father. He patted him on the back. "I'll be back."

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He sat down on the edge of the bed and tapped Ryan on the shoulder. The boy was deeply asleep and he wondered if he had a concussion. Kirsten hadn't mentioned a concussion but she had been pretty shaken up in the kitchen.

Not as shaken as he would've been.

"Ryan?" He shook the boy again.

This time, Ryan mumbled something he couldn't make out.

"Ryan, it's Sandy, it's time for your medicine…can you wake up for me?" He said as gently as he could.

"…don't need it…tired…s'okay…" Ryan murmured, turning away from his touch.

"Ryan."

Finally, he blinked and regarded Sandy with dull blue eyes. He sat up and winced, lying back down immediately.

"Here, kid…" Sandy reached over and ignored Ryan's initial flinch as he placed a pillow behind Ryan to help him sit up.

"Thanks…so…"

"You're not in trouble. What happened today was not your fault. Under no circumstances are you in any trouble. I am not angry with you, I am not upset with you. I am here for you. Let's get that out of the way," He said suddenly.

Ryan was staring at him with startled eyes.

"You were hurt because you thought you were doing what I asked…"

"You told me not to fight, was that not what you meant? I mean…"

"Ryan. I had no idea that you were taking so much abuse from the kids at school…"

His eyes flashed from the word 'abuse'. "Who told you that?"

"Ryan…"

"No, Sandy, listen…" He started, clearly agitated. He started to get up but Sandy put his hand on his shoulder, keeping him lying down.

"Shh. It's okay. Just relax. Take your meds first, okay? I'm not going anywhere." He held out several pills. Ryan accepted them, popping them into his mouth. Sandy offered him a bottle of water.

"Thanks…" Ryan said after taking a deep swallow.

"How're you feeling?"

"Sore. My head hurts…"

"Hopefully those pills will help with your headache," He said.

"Yeah. I hope so."

"So. Let's talk for a few minutes."

"I'm sorry, Sandy."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, kid." He rustled Ryan's hair fondly and was relieved that Ryan didn't pull away from his touch. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that it was my fault that you got beat up…"

"Your fault?"

"Yeah. But I'm only trying to protect you. If you had fought back…"

"Juvie. I know. But…"

"Self-defense is one thing, Ryan. This was self-defense…"

"No one was around. No one would have believed me…"

"I would."

Ryan met his gaze, tiredly. "But not the cops. My word against the Newport elite? That never works out."

Sandy sighed. The kid was right. He was in a lose-lose situation.

"I'm really sorry, Sandy."

"You have nothing to apologize for, kid," Sandy sighed. "We just have to communicate a little better."

Ryan's eyelids were drooping and he seemed about to pass out.

"So. We're okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

"Okay. Seth's going to bring you something to eat…"

"Can't eat…"

"What?" Sandy asked immediately.

"Antibiotics. The doctor says I'm sick or something so she gave me antibiotics…they make me sick…"

"Did you tell the doctor that they made you sick?" He asked after a beat.

"I told her I wasn't sick…she prescribed them anyway…I think I just need to sleep…" Ryan murmured.

"Okay, kid. I'll be back to check on you in a few hours, then, okay?"

"Yeah." His eyes were already closed again.

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Seth was gone to bed but Sandy and Kirsten were still in the kitchen musing over their day. The Newport Group was dealing with some legal issues and Sandy was trying to dip into his unused knowledge of corporate law to advise her.

"Sandy, look," Kirsten said suddenly, pointing to the patio. Ryan was standing beside the pool, his blue eyes unblinking.

"You didn't happen to mention his sleepwalking to the doctor, did you?" Sandy asked, standing up.

"No. I didn't think about it…I'll come with you," She said, following him outside.

Ryan was murmuring to himself. He was by the edge of the pool, his feet on the lip of the pool.

They could only make out certain words but they knew that Ryan wasn't coherent.

"Ryan. Ryan?" Kirsten called gently as she approached. She didn't want to have to touch him to wake him up, she was scared he'd fall in the pool.

"…doesn't count if you don't cry…doesn't count if you don't bleed…" Ryan muttered blankly.

Sandy gently placed his hand on Ryan's shoulder and instead of waking up, he obediently turned to face him. "Ryan. You should be in bed."

"Bed…no…" Ryan murmured but let Sandy lead him. Kirsten opened the door for them and gave Sandy a worried look.

"Lie down," Sandy urged gently. Ryan sat on the bed.

"No…bed…he'll find me if I'm in bed…" Ryan's blue eyes were pleading as he looked up at Sandy.

"I'll be right here, lie down…" Sandy said quietly. Ryan glanced at Kirsten as if wondering why she was there and when he glanced back at Sandy, his face was twisted in confusion.

"But…" Ryan murmured, confused.

"Lie down, kid," Sandy whispered. Ryan finally stretched out obediently and Kirsten covered him with his blanket.

"I'm going to sit with him…" Sandy whispered to Kirsten.

"I'm staying with you, Sandy," She replied. She sat down on the bed beside the sleeping teenager and brushed his hair out of his bruised face. He registered her touch, pulling away, but didn't open his eyes.

"Let's talk for a minute," Sandy motioned toward the door and she followed him outside where they could watch over him through the window.

"Sandy, what the hell happened to that boy in Chino?" Kirsten whispered as if Ryan could hear her through the closed door.

"Kirsten…"

"I want to see his file," She demanded.

"Kirsten. There is nothing in his file about…"

"Then why won't you let me see it?"

Sandy lowered his voice. "Because. There's nothing in it you need to see…"

"Bullshit," She snapped.

"Kirsten…"

"You're telling me that there is no record of abuse, that his home life was completely functional…"

"I'm telling you that there's no documentation of abuse in his files. You think Ryan's the type to go running to teachers or police when somebody hurts him? He almost died today and he didn't tell anyone…" Sandy snapped.

The door to the poolhouse opened and Ryan stepped out with blurry eyes. "Can you guys talk somewhere else, please? My windows are open." He closed the door quietly, walking back into the poolhouse.

"Dammit…" Sandy cursed, ignoring Kirsten's stricken expression as he turned to follow Ryan.

"Leave him," She said, grabbing his arm. "I think we've done enough damage tonight…"

"I'm not leaving him alone where he can just wander off…" Sandy protested.

They were both silent as they looked through the window and saw Ryan sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

Kirsten took charge, pushing past Sandy and opening the door. She walked over and stood beside Ryan.

"Ryan, I'm sorry you had to hear us arguing, but you were sleepwalking again and…"

"I don't remember what I said to make you guys freak out," Ryan interrupted. "And I know that I'm in for a long lecture or interrogation soon, but can I please just go back to sleep? I…I really feel like hell…"

"Come inside and we'll leave you alone," She stated.

"What?" Ryan glanced up, confused.

"Where we can make sure you don't get up again," Kirsten said, gently. "This is two nights in a row you've been walking by the pool, asleep. If you'll stay in the guest room, I promise we'll leave you alone…"

Ryan got up abruptly and went into the bathroom, closing the door.

"Kirsten…"

"What?" She snapped, turning to face him.

"Why are we fighting?" Sandy asked.

She sighed. "I don't know."

"Let's leave him alone. He'll be okay. You can check on him later when you bring him his medicine," Sandy said. He put his arm around her and led her to the door.

---- - --- -- - --- - -- - - -- - ----- - -- --- - - - --- --- ------ - -- - --- -- -- --- - -- ----- -- ------ - --- ---- -- -- ---- - ---

Running was becoming a better idea by the minute.

He walked out of the bathroom. The antibiotics had threatened to come back up, but he'd kept his lunch, or lack of, intact.

He was slightly surprised that Kirsten and Sandy were gone, he'd expected them to wait for him to follow them inside.

But they didn't.

He didn't know what to do. He couldn't stay here and have the Cohens find out all about his 'abused' past. He couldn't let them get that close to him. No one knew. Trey had suspected but Ryan never told. He'd never tell. He'd die first.

He went to the closet and started pulling clothes out, practical clothes. Jeans, his jacket, a sweatshirt. He went to the dresser. Boxers, two pair of socks, t-shirts. He went back to the closet.

And he stopped.

He had to think.

He had to think rationally.

The Cohen's questions weren't worth the pain of answering. Staying in Newport wasn't worth the pain of living in a fishbowl.

But he didn't want to leave.

Sandy wanted him here. Sandy believed in him. Seth needed him here. Seth believed in him.

And Kirsten had taken care of him today like she really gave a damn. She'd taken him to a doctor. She wanted him to stay inside.

God, he didn't know what to do. All his instincts were telling him to run, to get the hell out of this situation. But his heart…god, he cared about these people.

He dropped the things he'd gathered in the middle of the floor. He walked back to the bed and sat down.

He couldn't go anywhere tonight. He'd sleep on it.

He just had to make sure he didn't get up again. The painkillers made him cloudy, but he'd been sleepwalking before his beat down.

He sighed.

He had to do something.

Sleep. He'd sleep. He'd figure everything out tomorrow.

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	4. Four

_AN: Sorry for the short update, but I couldn't find a better place to end this chapter. So here it is._

* * *

Seth was up early. He'd been awake since before the sun came up but he hadn't gotten out of bed. He wanted to talk to Ryan before his parents got up.

Something was going on with him. He just knew. Ryan seemed okay as long as Seth was there but he was getting more and more antsy around his parents.

Seth couldn't lose Ryan. Ryan made Newport tolerable. He made his house fun. They were partners.

He got dressed and went down and started the coffee. He poured two cups and started the walk to the poolhouse.

Ryan was sleeping soundly so Seth closed the door quietly behind him. He spotted a pile of discarded clothes behind the bed.

Something was definitely getting to Ryan. The clothes were clean, some were still folded.

Ryan was going to run.

Seth looked from the clothes to the bed.

But he didn't run. He'd stayed. Something made him stay.

Seth put the coffee cups on the nightstand beside Ryan's sleeping form. He started to put the clothes away. If his parents saw the piles of clothes, they'd overreact.

Seth could talk to Ryan. He'd calm him down. He'd make him stay.

Ryan had to stay.

The smell of the coffee must have drifted to Ryan's nostrils because he mumbled in his sleep.

"It's just me, buddy," Seth called from the closet.

"Seth. Hey."

"I put coffee beside your bed," Seth added.

"Thanks…"

Seth finally put all the clothes away and walked over. He sat down on the edge of Ryan's bed.

"I feel like hell," Ryan admitted, blinking through groggy eyes.

"You look like it, too…" Seth replied. Ryan's bruises had settled into his flesh and Seth knew that he had to be in pain.

Ryan pushed himself up in bed and reached over to snag the coffee.

"So. What's going on? Did something happen last night? Are you okay? Do you want me to keep Mom and Dad away from you?" Seth realized that he was babbling when Ryan gave him with a small smile.

"One at a time, please?" Ryan asked.

Seth's gaze drifted to Ryan's bruised chest. He noticed that Ryan was breathing shallowly. "Does it hurt?"

"Yeah, Seth. It does."

"Should I get you some medicine?"

"You could have waited until, like, after six to wake me up," Ryan sighed.

"What happened last night, man?"

"Last night?"

"I put your clothes away."

Ryan paled. Seth regretted his bluntness when he realized that Ryan hadn't remembered immediately. He'd woken up his brother and forced him to remember whatever had made him want to run. He wasn't handling this the way he planned.

"Oh. Yeah. Thanks," Ryan stammered after a long pause.

"So," Seth stated.

"I…your parents are freaking me out," Ryan admitted, closing his eyes and sinking back against his pillows. "I want to stay, Seth…but this…it's getting to be too much for me, here."

Seth didn't want to stop Ryan when he was finally communicating. With real, live words. "What's going on?"

"I don't…"

"I know you don't want to talk about it. Please. Just try…"

Ryan studied Seth's face as if he was searching for signs of trust. Seth kept his gaze.

"I'm sleepwalking. Twice this week, your Dad's found me by the pool. Kirsten…she was going off on your dad last night because he won't show her my file…"

"Your file?"

"Yeah. They were arguing outside my room last night after they brought me back in from the patio," Ryan confessed.

"So…"

"This was supposed to be a fresh start. A place for me to be…a place for me to be a normal kid. But now…I feel like I'm suffocating. If your mother sees that file…all the times I've been in trouble before, she's not going to like it."

"There's something else," Seth said, reading something on his face.

"My drawings. Your mother has my drawings."

"You mean, that sketchpad you're always lurking around with? How'd she…" Seth knew that Ryan's sketches were private. He'd been insanely curious about them but he respected that Ryan needed to have his privacy. God knows he had enough porn and internet sites hidden in his room so he knew how important privacy could be. Everyone had secrets.

"She found it. I was in the shower and I came out and she was looking at it. I threw it away once she gave it back, but…she took it out of the trash. She asked me if she could keep it, Seth, what the hell was I supposed to say? I mean…"

"Damn, man. That sucks. She really went through your stuff?"

"It was on the bed, under a pillow. I guess she was curious or something…"

"That's just wrong."

"I just feel like everything is closing in around here."

"Maybe you're just settling in."

Ryan stared at him.

"Sounds like Mom and Dad are finally treating you like a member of the family. Did you see how Mom was all worried about you yesterday? She's definitely feeling parental about you now. And Dad, well, he's trying to protect you by keeping your file away from Mom…you…what?" Seth saw Ryan's attention drift to the door.

"I'll be back in a minute. I need to get cleaned up. The cavalry's coming," Ryan muttered. He slowly got to his feet and limped to the bathroom stiffly.

"Seth? What are you doing out here? Where's Ryan?" Kirsten asked as she entered.

"I brought Ryan some coffee."

"He's not going to school today. Sandy and I have a meeting with Dr. Kim at eight so we can drop you off."

"Can I stay here? With Ryan?" Seth asked. He gave his mother his best puppy dog eyes. He knew she'd cave. At least he hoped so. He needed some bonding time with Ryan, now more than ever.

"I don't think so, Seth, you should probably go to…"

"Please, Mom? That way you can still go to work and I can make sure he's okay. We won't go anywhere, I can keep him medicated and…he'll relax more if I'm here."

She was on the fence. "Seth…"

"Please?" He knew he was almost there.

She sighed. "Okay, Seth. Ryan's in the shower?"

"Yeah."

"Come inside so I can explain to you about his prescriptions," His mom said.

"Just call me Nurse Cohen. Actually, don't. That's way too minty for me."

"Lots of men are nurses…" Kirsten scolded him.

"Yeah, but how many Cohens?" Seth replied as they walked out.

* * *

Ryan was relieved to find the poolhouse empty when he emerged from the bathroom. He had a towel cinched around his waist but he'd forgotten to take clothes in with him.

His chest was painful and the bruises were darker than he remembered. The water from the shower had pounded into his body and he was tense with pain. He couldn't stop gritting his teeth.

He pulled a shirt on and regretted his rushing immediately as the pain rushed through him in waves.

"Hey, kid," Sandy called, startling him.

"Hey, Sandy. Give me a minute?"

"Sure…"

Ryan took his jeans and boxers and went back into the bathroom. He'd wanted a few minutes of peace but it was pretty obvious that he wouldn't get it today. He pulled on his jeans and stepped out again.

"I wanted to apologize for last night. We shouldn't have been arguing and…"

"I don't care, Sandy. Does it really matter what I think? I mean, she deserves to see my file and I don't want you guys to fight about me."

Sandy stared at him, speechless.

"I'm really sore, Sandy. Whatever you have to say, please. Just say it," He sighed.

"We want you to move into the main house," Sandy stated.

Ryan sighed. He wasn't sure why he was against moving into the big house, but it made him uncomfortable. They didn't trust him in the house at the beginning of his time here, but now, they wanted him inside. His trial period must be up. He must have passed.

But it was because of his sleepwalking, that was the only reason.

"Tell me what you're thinking," Sandy said.

He realized that he hadn't said anything yet.

"Whatever. If you want me to stay inside…I can't really argue."

"Ryan…"

"You're right. I shouldn't be out here without being locked in. Twice in a week, that's too often for this to be a coincidence. I'll stay in the guest room, Sandy, it's fine."

"You're agreeing to this entirely too easily and don't for a second think that you're going to get off this easily," Sandy stated slowly.

"I said I'd do it. What else do you want?"

Sandy met Ryan's gaze and they stared at each other for a long moment. "Okay."

"Okay," Ryan nodded.

"Dad, what are you doing out here? Mom's looking for you and it's too early for you to be lecturing Ryan," Seth opened the door. Ryan gave him a relieved look. Despite his unusual divulgence earlier, Seth didn't seem upset or put off. He seemed intent on getting Sandy out of the poolhouse.

"I was just talking to him," Sandy defended.

"Out. Can't you see he's tired? Go bother mom, I'm on medic duty," Seth said, walking over to Ryan and holding out several pills.

"Thanks," Ryan said, swallowing them dry.

Sandy sighed. "I'll call to check on you. If you need anything…"

"Dad? I'll take care of it. Stop nagging and get out!" Seth said, waving his hands wildly as he ushered Sandy from the room.

"You didn't have to do that," Ryan said, but he was grateful to Seth for getting him out of another deep conversation.

"I am here to serve today. You want to wait until the parents clear out and come inside? You aren't supposed to be moving around or anything but you don't even have a TV out here."

"Okay, man. Sure."

"No brooding today. We have the whole day free of parents and lectures and uncomfortable silences..."

"Really?" Ryan raised an eyebrow.

"I meant me. Rosa's making you something for breakfast, we'll get you back to normal in no time," Seth smiled, enthusiastically.

Ryan was relieved. Seth was the closest friend he'd ever had. He had wanted to sleep all day but now he was looking forward to the time with Seth. Even though it would be exhausting trying to follow the boy's train of thought and hyperactive stories, it was a nice change. Maybe today would be better.

* * *


	5. Five

_AN: Small Update. Hope it satisfies. (Shout out to **Gibasi** for always reviewing and scolding me for neglecting this too long! Sorry!!) _

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Seth was at least satisfied that Ryan was settled and comfortable after several minutes of thick tension. Seth had escorted Ryan into the house, medicated him, convinced him to eat a bagel and everything was fine until Seth tried to cover him with a blanket.

Ryan hadn't said much of anything but he'd given Seth a cold glare and told him that he didn't need a blanket and if Seth didn't stop hovering that he was going to rip the blanket into tiny pieces.

Seth had dropped the blanket and sat down. He hadn't hovered, just watched Ryan from a safe distance.

"Dude?" Seth had been quiet for three whole minutes, he couldn't take it.

"Sorry. I'm grumpy," Ryan said quietly.

Seth smiled at his attempt at humor. He was still worried about the cloud of depression hanging over his friend but Ryan looked better inside with him than alone in the poolhouse.

"I don't mind. But Mom would be angry about the blanket."

Ryan smiled slightly.

"You want to play some X-Box?"

"My head's kind of pounding…can you give me a few minutes to let the drugs kick in?"

"Of course…" Seth glimpsed Rosa coming in from the patio. "I'll be back in a few minutes…"

Seth gave Rosa a big smile as he met her in the kitchen.

"Oh no, Seth…" She said immediately.

"Please, Rosa? I need a favor…" Seth had been able to sweet talk Rosa into anything. The housekeeper had had a soft spot for him since he was a child.

"No, Seth, your mother needs me to clean the poolhouse," Rosa protested.

But Seth was still smiling. He had an idea. He'd cheer Ryan up. But first he had to convince Rosa to drive him.

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Ryan had dozed off on the couch. He woke up, sore and stiff. The house was quiet. His headache had faded and his ribs were the focus of his pain now.

"Seth?" He called. There was no reply. He stretched out on the couch.

He was going to live inside now. No more poolhouse with window walls. It took him ten minutes to lower the blinds in the poolhouse. Now, he'd have a simple single window. There were perks. But he had been sleepwalking. When he'd been startled awake in Chino, he'd been known to throw a punch or two. What if Kirsten found him wandering? He shuddered.

But he'd try it. He wouldn't run. He'd try.

The front door closed loudly and Ryan recognized Rosa's voice.

"Don't tell your mother. I'll make lunch."

"Thanks, Rosa."

"You're welcome, Seth."

Seth walked in with a bag.

"What's up? Where've you been?" Ryan asked.

"Well, I know you're grumpy but I wanted to do something nice for you."

"What?" Ryan started to get up but Seth sat down at the other end of the couch and dropped the bag on his legs.

"Take a look."

Ryan leaned forward and took the bag, reaching inside. He pulled out a sketchpad and several expensive drawing pencils. He also pulled out a pack of colored pencils. "Seth…"

"Early birthday present," Seth said.

Ryan didn't know what to say.

Seth started pulling out the X-box and started connecting the controllers. "How's your head?"

"Better," Ryan replied, still staring at the pad. "Thanks."

"Well, I figured you'd need something to distract you while you were stuck at home. And I doubt Mom will ever look at your stuff again."

"You don't think I overreacted." Ryan's question was a statement. Even he thought he overreacted.

"Nah. It's your stuff," Seth shrugged. "So. You up for a game?"

"Sure." Ryan set the stuff aside and took the controller.

Seth started to talk about some creepy guy in the art store as Ryan focused on the game.

"Dude?" Seth was staring at him. "What's up?"

"Nothing…I'm playing…"

"What's on your mind beside ninjas?"

Ryan sighed. But he could talk to Seth. Maybe he should start. "I'm moving into the guest room."

"Really?" Seth asked, clearly surprised.

"The sleepwalking," Ryan stated.

"Oh. So…what should I do if I catch you sleepwalking?" Seth asked.

"What?"

"Like, what should I do? If you're all zombie-fied walking around, what should I do? I mean, I know I'm not supposed to shake you or anything, but…"

"I guess, just take me back to my room. Trey used to just talk really quietly until I followed him," Ryan said.

"Oh. And if I decide to shake you?"

"I might punch you," Ryan whispered.

Seth glanced at him before breaking into a wide grin. "Really?"

"You want me to punch you?"

"No, man, it's just weird, it's like, you punch people in your sleep," Seth grinned.

He didn't think it was so funny. He still got punished for what he did in his sleep.

Seth finally dropped his smile. "I'm sorry, man…but it'll be cool to have you in the house. I can stomp on the floor and you'll know I need you, I won't have to make that long, tiring walk to the poolhouse and anytime you want a snack or something, you'll be right here."

Ryan nodded and refocused his attention on the video game.

For once, Seth let the house be silent.

Ryan remembered once when Stephen caught him sleepwalking. He'd woken up in the small bathroom with Stephen's hand clasped over his mouth.

"Dude. I'm sorry…" Seth was watching him.

"You didn't do anything. I'm just tired."

"You want to lie down? Like, more than you already are?" Seth asked, concerned again.

"I'm cool, Seth. Just not really up for talking anymore…I'm sorry I'm such a pain today," Ryan apologized. Seth was really trying hard to cheer him up.

"It's cool. I…I just, really don't think you should leave." Seth paused and looked at Ryan, more serious that Ryan had ever seen him. "I mean…I really think you should stay. My parents…they really care about you. But you're new to all of us, so it's going to take some time for us all to get used to each other. See, my parents like to hover. They're overprotective with a capital 'over'. I think that your old family…your real family really didn't pay much attention to you, but its different here. My parents…I don't think they're trying to hurt you…we'd just like to help you."

Ryan heard all of Seth's words. He tried to process them but he'd never met people that honestly wanted to help him. Everyone wanted something in return. He hadn't figured out what the Cohens wanted yet. They'd already done so much for him and he knew that he'd have to pay them back somehow. He just wasn't sure how.

"Ryan?"

Ryan looked at him.

"Maybe you should lie down. You're looking a little…shaky," Seth said.

The painkillers were making him shake, the controller was shaking in his hand.

"You want to get acquainted with your new room?" Seth offered.

"Sure."

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Kirsten came home that afternoon to check on Ryan and found Seth sitting alone in the living room playing video games.

"Hey, honey. Where's Ryan?"

"He crashed in the guest room. He says he's supposed to stay inside now?" Seth asked

Sandy had told her that Ryan had agreed but wasn't happy about it. "Yeah. We know he's settled in the poolhouse but with his sleepwalking…it's time he's in with the family."

"So, how'd your meeting go with Dr. Kim?" Seth asked.

"Okay. It was about Ryan so I'll talk to him about it. When's the last time he took his medicine?"

"This morning. He was still asleep when I checked on him a couple of hours ago," Seth replied.

Kirsten sat down beside him on the couch. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine, Mom. I just wish that Ryan would…I wish he would be okay. It's like, after his little freak out yesterday, it's like he's scared of what we're thinking about him. I know his family…they didn't treat him nice, but…I think they really hurt him, Mom. Like…more than I thought," Seth confessed. "I just want to help him."

"Me, too. He'll come around. It just takes time."

"Go easy on him, will you?" Seth said, turning off the game and standing up. "I'll be upstairs. Tell him I'll be down to check on him later."

Kirsten watched her son leave. She wondered when he matured so much. She knew it had to be when Ryan came to live with them. He'd always been such a loner, his originality putting him into outcast status by default and he'd never had a real friend before. After they'd accepted Ryan into their family, he'd become a totally different kid.

She walked to the guest room and saw that the door was cracked. She pushed open the door and glanced at the bed. It was empty. She immediately started searching the room and finally saw him standing by the window.

"Ryan?"

He didn't answer her. She walked over and recognized the glazed look in his eyes.

"Ryan, come back to bed…" She gently put her hand on his back and he didn't flinch. He turned to face her, his expression knitted with confusion.

"Mom?" he whispered.

"No, honey. Come on," Kirsten said gently, urging him toward the bed.

"Why don't you make him leave?" Ryan whispered.

"Sit down, Ryan…" She didn't react but guided him to sit down on the bed. "It's okay, honey, lie down…"

"You should make him leave…" Ryan murmured, stretching out and letting her cover him with the blanket.

As soon as he was settled, she sat down beside him on the bed and called his name. After a few minutes, he opened his eyes and she could see that he was awake.

"Hey…what's wrong?" He asked immediately.

"Nothing. You were by the window when I came in to check on you," Kirsten admitted. "It's time for your medicine."

"I'm sorry…"

"It's not your fault, Ryan. You sleepwalk…"

"You should be careful," Ryan said suddenly. "I don't want to hurt you…"

"Why would you hurt me?" She asked, startled by his statement.

Ryan lowered his gaze as he sat up in bed and accepted the pills from her. "I…when I sleepwalk…I've been known to fight back. Even when I'm not fighting…"

"Oh. I don't think you'd hurt me, Ryan," Kirsten said, realizing that he was actually volunteering information.

"I wouldn't know it was you. I just think you should be careful," Ryan said. He swallowed the pills. "And these put me into a pretty deep sleep…if I was just up a minute ago and it's daytime…I must be on a roll…"

"Ryan, when you've done this in the past, has it ever been this bad? Like, this many times in such a short period?"

He shook his head. "Never. Not even…" He flushed as if he'd said too much.

"Not even when?" She probed.

"Not even when things were bad," He said quietly.

"Do you think it'll get better?" She was asking him his honest opinion. She knew that if she told him that she thought he should see a doctor that he'd most certainly shut her down, but if she could get him to admit it on his own, she'd be a step ahead.

"I don't know. I hope so…but I don't know."

She reached over and brushed his hair from his eyes and was surprised when he didn't flinch. "Do you mind if I make some calls? Try and find some help for you?"

He didn't respond immediately but she could see that he was thinking.

"You aren't resting if you're sleepwalking."

"I know," he admits. "Can I think about it? See if it gets better?"

"Of course. We'll give it a few days…"

"If you want to ask the doctor…I won't object. If she can think of anything that might help…that's cool."

"Okay, honey. Get some rest. Seth's right upstairs if you need him…" She said. He nodded and closed his eyes.

Kirsten closed the door behind her as she stepped into the hallway. Ryan seemed more willing to let her take care of him today, a stark change from previous days. But she knew now, just like Seth, that there was a lot in his past that he didn't want her to know about. She had a feeling that Sandy knew more than he was saying, too.


	6. Six

Sandy hesitated outside the door to the guest room. Ryan had been quiet at dinner, clearly thoughtful about the talk he'd had with Kirsten and Sandy didn't want to push him, but he wanted to get everything out in the open.

"Ryan? Can we talk?" Sandy didn't want to upset the boy further but they had to talk. Sandy had to tell Ryan what he knew. What he thought he knew. He needed to know if it was true.

"Yeah. What's going on?" Ryan sat up with bright eyes from the bed, closing the book he was reading and putting it down.

"Nothing's going on. I…I need to talk to you, though."

"Sure." Ryan's face was guarded now.

Sandy sat down on the edge of the bed, setting the sketchpad that Kirsten had kept between them. "You've had a rough couple of days. I don't want to make this worse or harder for you…but I feel like I need to be honest with you."

"Okay…"

"I hope you'll be honest with me, too. This is just between us…you can tell me anything and it's not going to change the way I feel about you," Sandy said.

Ryan was studying him now. "I think I need to know what you're talking about. Did I say something or…"

"This sketchpad. Kirsten showed it to me. I didn't want to look at it, but she was pretty insistent. You're very talented…"

"Sandy, it's just drawings…" Ryan said.

He nodded, flipping it open. He turned the pad so that Ryan's self-portrait was facing him. "Does this bother you?"

"Why does it bother _you_?" Ryan asked, his gaze lowered.

"I know you've had a hard life. I try not to think about that. But…but I've seen scars like this before, Ryan."

Ryan was so still that Sandy didn't think he was breathing.

"Ryan."

"You've seen it before," Ryan repeated, not moving. His gaze was locked on a spot on the bedspread.

"They call it a 'mark'," Sandy started slowly. "They do it in prisons…to claim dominance…"

"To show weakness…" Ryan whispered.

"Have you ever talked about it?" Sandy asked.

Ryan shook his head slightly, his eyes blank. "Nothing to talk about."

Sandy closed the sketchpad and moved it aside with a sigh. He'd hoped for more but he had no experience with this. He was a lawyer, not a therapist. There was no way that he could do this the right way. He just needed to know if it was true. Now he did.

"Did you tell Kirsten?" Ryan asked, meeting his gaze for a moment before lowering it again.

"No, Ryan. I wouldn't do that without…it's not my story to tell, Ryan," Sandy replied. "But I think she suspects something."

"Why?" Ryan asked.

"Sometimes you talk in your sleep, Ryan. About things…things we don't know about."

"God…this is just getting worse…" Ryan whispered, covering his face with his hand.

"Ryan, we care about you. You're a part of this family now, and families help each other. We can help you…if you want to stay, if you want to get better…"

"So, I'm sick now?" Ryan asked.

"No, Ryan, but you have to admit that something's going on."

Ryan shook his head, unwilling to look at Sandy.

Sandy started at the floor. "'Doesn't count if you don't cry. Doesn't count if you don't bleed'…"

Ryan had paled several shades and was staring at him. "I said that?"

Sandy nodded. "That's why we were arguing about your file. She suspects…but she thinks it'll all be in your file…but nothing's in your file, Ryan."

"I know…I never told…I've never told anyone," Ryan murmured with a shudder.

"Look at me, Ryan," Sandy urged. "Nothing is wrong with you. You are the same strong kid that I brought into my family months ago. This doesn't change anything. But you have to take care of yourself. Your sleepwalking…it's getting to be dangerous. If this…if your past has something to do with it…maybe you should consider talking about it."

Ryan nodded, but his eyes were dark with thought.

"Okay, kid. I'll let you get some sleep…" Sandy stood up, hoping that he hadn't made everything worse.

"Sandy?" Ryan called once he was by the door.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. For telling me. I know…I know that if I ever want to talk about it…I can come to you…" Ryan said quietly.

"I'll be here, Ryan."

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Ryan couldn't fall asleep after Sandy left. Sandy knew about his…abuse. He really was just another statistic, another victim.

But Sandy hadn't treated him any differently. Sandy had probably always known.

He'd never told anyone. Except Sandy. Now Sandy knew.

He didn't know that he'd been saying things in his sleep, Kirsten hadn't brought it up. But Sandy…Sandy had trusted him enough to let him know that he was getting…closer. Closer to letting his secrets be known. They were coming out in his sleep. In his pictures.

He felt…relieved. Sandy knew and he didn't talk about kicking him out or sending him away.

They wanted him to stay. They wanted to help him. Even with his issues, Sandy would help him.

He wanted to believe him. He wanted to trust him. He wanted to…belong to this family.

He just hoped he could do it.

---- - --- -- - --- - -- - - -- - ----- - -- --- - - - --- --- ------ - -- - --- -- -- --- - -- ----- -- ------ - --- ---- -- -- ---- - ---

"Did you hear something?" Sandy asked Kirsten, waking from his doze.

"I don't know," She replied, groggy.

"I'll check," Sandy said, pulling on his robe. They'd set the burglar alarm to go off if the code wasn't entered when the doors were opened from the inside at night. They were hoping that the sound would wake Ryan if he slept-walk.

Sandy got to the kitchen as the alarm started to sound. Ryan was walking across the patio in his bare feet.

Kirsten was following him and she punched in the code as Sandy hurried outside.

Ryan paused by the edge of the pool. It was just like the other times, he always stopped by the pool.

Sandy was only a few steps behind but before he could reach him, Ryan did something new.

Ryan exhaled all the air from his lungs and stepped off the edge into the water. Sandy reached the edge in time to see Ryan's head collide with the rim as he became submerged.

"What is it?" Seth's voice startled Kirsten from her frozen place at the doors.

Sandy dropped his robe and plunged into the pool in his boxers, grabbing Ryan by the arms and pulling him to the surface. Kirsten and Seth were running across the patio.

"Dad…" Seth reached out and helped drag Ryan out of the pool.

"His head's bleeding, Sandy…" Kirsten knelt beside him.

"He's not breathing, Dad," Seth whispered.

"He was only under a second," Sandy said, gently rolling Ryan's head to the side as he pressed gently on his chest to try and push any water out. Kirsten was dialing a phone as Seth crouched beside his father. "He's got a pulse, he just needs to breathe…" Sandy wasn't going to think about the small trickle of blood from the back of his head, he wasn't going to think about his unconsciousness, he wasn't going to think about losing him.

Ryan coughed suddenly, struggling against Sandy's hands.

"Ryan, just breathe…" Sandy urged, relieved.

"What…God, my head…" Ryan winced, coughing up water. He tried to move but Sandy and Seth held him still.

"You hit it when you fell in the pool," Sandy said. "Are you all right?"

"What happened?" Ryan asked, finally relaxing against their grasps.

"Sleepwalking," Seth answered. "You set off the alarm…"

"Damn…" He winced again. "My head really hurts…"

"The ambulance is coming," Kirsten said.

"No…" Ryan protested.

"Dude. Your head…you have to go, don't argue, okay?" Seth said urgently.

"We'll be right here, Ryan, you're okay, they just need to check you out…" Sandy echoed, needing Ryan to relax. He knew that if Ryan insisted on not going, nothing they could do would convince him.

"Okay…my head really hurts…" Ryan whispered.

"What about your legs? Any other pain?" Sandy asked.

"No…I mean, my ribs a little…but they always hurt…just my head…" Ryan said. He coughed and finally Sandy released him so he could raise up.

"Seth, go get your dad some clothes, I'll meet the ambulance," Kirsten said, hurrying around the house to the driveway.

"Ryan…"

"I'm sorry, Sandy…I…it was the same dream, I don't know what happened…" Ryan said as Sandy draped his robe around him.

"It's okay…as long as you're okay, we'll take care of everything later…" Sandy said, sensing Ryan's tension.

Seth ran out with sweatpants and a t-shirt for his father as well as a blanket for Ryan. The paramedics appeared from the edge of the house with Kirsten leading the way.

"We'll be right here, Ryan, okay?" Sandy said as the paramedics crouched beside him.

Ryan gave him a tense nod and closed his eyes as the paramedics started examining him. He answered their questions quietly and evenly.

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"He's alert and oriented, you were right to call the ambulance, especially since he's recovering from a concussion already, but he's going to be fine. We put three stitches in his head, but he's very lucky…"

Kirsten felt herself exhale for the first time since arriving at the hospital. She had been worried. Sandy had been quiet and Seth hadn't stopped talking until the doctor came to get them.

"That's awesome, can I see him, can we take him home? Where is he?" Seth said in a rush.

"Seth." She put her hand on his shoulder to silence him. "Slow down."

"I'll take you to him. We wanted to set him up with a psychologist that specializes in night terrors and sleepwalking but he says that you're already looking into that for him, is that correct?" The doctor asked.

"I made a few calls today, after he finally agreed to see someone," Kirsten replied. "His first appointment is in a couple of days, though…"

"Keep an eye on him. He should be fine until then," The doctor assured them, leading them down the hall of the ER to Ryan's room.

"He's not a big fan of doctors…is he all right?" Kirsten asked.

"He did very well, he stayed awake the whole time, he was really honest…he told us up front that he didn't like to be touched so we took special care of him. We gave him something for his headache and he's pretty groggy now," The doctor explained. "I'll bring you the papers so you can take him home."

"Thank you," Sandy nodded. He pushed open the door first and walked in.

Ryan was sitting up in bed, holding a hand to his head with his eyes closed.

"Any better?" Sandy asked, approaching him. He immediately sat down in the chair beside the bed.

Ryan's eyes were bright with relief. "Hey. A little. I guess concrete is not good for curing headaches," he joked quietly.

Kirsten went over to him and gently embraced him. She knew that he hated hugs but she had to do it. He returned it with a sigh.

"I'm sorry…" he whispered.

"We're just glad you're okay. You don't have anything to be sorry about," she said, releasing him.

"Dude, this sleepwalking stuff has got to stop, I mean, or we'll have to make you wear a life-jacket to bed or a helmet or something," Seth said.

"You called someone, didn't you?" Ryan asked Kirsten.

"Yes, honey. We'll talk about it in the morning. Right now, we just need to focus on getting you home to bed…" Kirsten replied.

Sandy was watching Ryan closely and Kirsten realized that something had shifted. Ryan wasn't uncomfortable under his stare tonight, he seemed relieved. Ryan seemed to trust him.

"We'll stay with you tonight, okay? Make sure you don't get up again," Sandy said quietly. Ryan nodded. He surprised them all by patting Sandy's hand.

"Thanks, man. This was pretty scary…you guys acted like you do this all the time," Ryan said.

"Well, we don't. And if we ever have to do this again…you're grounded for life," Sandy said.


	7. Fin

"We're home, guys," Sandy said, glancing in his rear view mirror at his boys.

"What?" Seth jolted awake but Ryan didn't stir. He'd fallen asleep as soon as Sandy had pulled out of the parking lot, his head leaning on his hand against the window.

"I'll get him. You guys go ahead," he said. Kirsten yawned, patting his leg before getting out.

Sandy turned around in his seat once Seth vacated the vehicle. "Ryan. Ryan, wake up."

After a moment, Ryan opened his eyes.

"We're home."

Ryan hesitated but his eyes cleared finally and he nodded solemnly. "Home."

Sandy stepped out as Ryan slowly got to his feet beside the car.

"I feel like shit," Ryan admitted, accepting his steadying hand on his arm.

"Well, that's normal, I think, you took a big fall," Sandy replied. He wanted to put Ryan safely to bed. They had him home safely and now he just had to take care of him.

"Sandy." Ryan's strangled voice caught his attention immediately. Sandy looked at the boy.

"Will I get better if I talk about it?"

Sandy didn't know what to tell him. Ryan needed guidance and he didn't want to lie to him. "I don't know. I've never…it's never happened to me, Ryan."

Ryan nodded, his eyes dark with thought.

"But I know it won't hurt. It might help," Sandy whispered.

Ryan was still except for the grinding of his jaw.

"Let's go inside," Sandy urged.

"Okay. But…" Ryan stopped him with a glance. "Will you tell Kirsten? I don't know if I could…I can't tell her."

"Don't worry. Right now, you should rest. Everything will be okay," Sandy said. "I promise, okay?"

Ryan's nod was enough to calm his soul. He could still heal. Sandy would help him.

Ryan opened the door and slowly ambled to the couch, sitting down. Seth appeared and sat down beside him on the couch. Sandy watched them curiously.

"So, dude, I'm going to take the first shift but I'm pretty tired so…" Seth started, pausing as he reached over and dropped a red cord around his neck. A large gold bell was on the end and it jingled loudly. "So this is my solution."

"A bell?" Ryan snorted.

"Well, you're so damned quiet, we've always warned that we were going to hang a bell on you," Seth teased.

Ryan glared at him, picking up the bell, annoyed. "A bell…"

Sandy couldn't stop the smile at Ryan's pissed off expression.

"So? You ready to go back to bed and stay there?" Seth asked, his eyes bright with amusement.

"Yeah. But this…is not going to work," Ryan said, getting to his feet. He jingled as he walked.

"Ah, come on, man…" Seth said, winking at his father as he followed him from the room.

FIN


End file.
